I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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