I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
