how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
i need some magic done to my vagina
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
