he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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