i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
