porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
