I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
