The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
