Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
