I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
