in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
