The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
