i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
