I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
