how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
