WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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