Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
