you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
