i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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