you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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