i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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