haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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