I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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