I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
