Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
