I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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