This is not my ceiling
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
