Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
