how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
sex in a hospital.. check
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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