what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
