either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
