Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
