I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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