My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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