she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
