and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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