How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
