Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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