So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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