It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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