im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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