I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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