"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
