I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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