Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
