How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
