Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
