someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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