I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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