dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
