My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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