no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The best revenge is premature balding
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
