He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
