I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
