He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
