it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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