i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
