guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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