My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He shit in the fireplace
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
