I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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