Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
