I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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