afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
