You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
