me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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