What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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