drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
