We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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