apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize