seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
be right there i have to get my cape
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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