He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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