I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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