ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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