Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
