I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
