i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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