I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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