mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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