The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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