i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
