tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wish I only lived at night.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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