operation harelip BJ is a go
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
