I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize