mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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