youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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