Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
