I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
