So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
