went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
