dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
