I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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