Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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