I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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